Golden Celebrity

Is Jack Black air pooping on Angelina Jolie? A bolt of lightning would strike him down if that happened. We’re going to be seeing a lot of Angie Jo today. She’s in Cannes promoting “Kung Fu Panda” with Black and Dustin Hoffman.

She’s also very smiley. It must be the pregnant gas. Yes, Angie farts. It smells like baby powder and sounds like the first few notes from Ave Maria.

Whitney Thomson became the first plus-sized winner of “America’s Next Top Model” last night. It was pretty obvious. TyTy planned this shit from the beginning. She hatched out this plan over a steak dinner at “Houston’s.” Seriously, TyTy mentioned Houston’s last night and it got me excited for some reason.

Rich from FourFour has some interesting info on how Whitney got on the show. A source told him that Whitney never auditioned for the show. She was approached by someone from the show. That’s nothing new. I think many of the show’s skanks were approached instead of auditioning for the show.

The source said at the time, Whitney was already modeling as a size 2 or 4. The person from the show told her size 4 was a little too big to compete as a regular model on the show. They told her if she gained around 10-20 pounds they would put her on the show as a plus-sized model. FourFour has some pictures of a much skinnier Whitney. Through the entire season, Whitney cried about how hard it was for her growing up fat or whatever.

Whitney, who is a size 8 or 10, talked to People about how she’s embraced her curves, “Right before I left for the show, one of my best friends said to me, ‘You’re not going to go that far. You’re fat. Every week I would remember her saying that. And every week I was like, ‘In your face!’”

Yes, size 8 is considered “full-figured.”

Anyway, I’m glad Anna Nicole Whitney won.

Tommy Girl is in talks to play the President of the United States in a new movie called 28th Amendment. Tommy just wants the role so that he can “fuck around” in the oval office set. He’s always wanted to role play as Dubya. I’m sure he’s got Dubya’s “o face” down pat.

The movie centers on U.S. president Ben Cahill who discovers that a secret committee (run by Denzel Washington) has controlled the U.S. government since WWII.

Straight to the Starz channel! Tommy needs to sit back, take a break and play in his Scientology dungeon. Suri should be in pictures. She’s the real talent of that crazy family. I mean, Valkyrie has been pushed back like a thousand times. Tommy needs a sex tape. Well, I’m curious to see how aliens do it.

Source

John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston took their love to NYC last night. They entered the Waverly Inn separately even though they came together. Celebrities are so weird. They act all secretive and shit. We know they are bumping fuzzies.

Jenny brought her lucky baby blanket. It’s her good luck charm. She likes to have it on hand just in case Mayer pops the question. That way she can bite into it and jump up and down like a little girl. That’s how she rehearsed it after her first date with John. Yes, I know it’s a pashmina! Let me have my fun. FUCK.

These two are so strange together. What the hell do they talk about? Mayer probably just tells lame jokes and Jenny laughs at them for like 5-minutes straight. She fakes laughs so hard she queefs.

RuPaul is looking for America’s next top drag queen. Fergie should apply - Towleroad

No more music for Posh Beckham. Promise? - I’m Not Obsessed

Cate Blanchett is one color - Lainey Gossip

ScarJo and Penny make out - Popoholic

Madonna is copying Oprah - Holy Moly!

Jessica Simpson isn’t over John Mayer - Celebitchy

Posh is not knocked up. Um…ok! - ICYDK